Spiritual DIY

My awakening was scary as hell. I was in college, living at home, and on this night, alone. The front door opened and I heard footsteps walking towards my bedroom, tucked away on the second floor. I hid under my covers with my eyes closed but saw a piercing blue white light. I heard the sound that "metallic" might make and my bed violently shock. Then in an instance, all was calm.

That event herald a series of seeing levitating objects, seeing "ghosts" and feeling invisible fingers poke me and pry closed-eyes open.

I met a Medium named Nora Lee, who cleared my home and taught me how to help earthbound spirits move on. She told me I was an empath it, proving it by giving me objects to touch and to tune in, sharing their stories with unexpected accuracy. She instructed me to draw in my aura, to tell "them" to leave me alone if I was scared. But I just wanted it to stop.

In the Fall I moved into an apartment in Boston. Within a few weeks of moving in I awoke to see a woman standing at the foot of the bed. I screamed and struggled to free myself from my bedsheets. She smiled, realizing that I saw her, then reached out to try to comfort me. But I was terrified and quickly made my way to my roommate's bedroom.

The next night I was woken up to see my attic bedroom walls fill with the tormented drawings of a child. In the morning I called Nora Lee. She told me she was having family issues and I'd need to cross this woman into the Light on my own.

I had a friend who was a Goth, and I thought she would be open to this experience, so I asked her if she would come help me. I told the woman, whose name I learned was Anna, that I would help her but until then she needed to leave me alone.

My friend, Laura, came over, black hair, black lips and eyes, black dress and black shoes. We lit candles, sat on my bedroom floor and I said the only prayer I know.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.

Anna accused Laura of being a witch and demon worshipper and refused to engage in the ceremony to bring her to the Light. I was heartsick. We called it a night and I went to bed.

When I closed my eyes, Anna's energy drew near to make a confession. My mind's eye view became her perspective. "I" opened a bedroom door, saw "my" young daughter in bed with "my husband". My eyes met my daughter's swollen, tear stained, fearful and pleading eyes. I withdrew and quietly closed the door.

Anna was earthbound because she felt she needed to confess her self-described sins. She confessed that she did nothing. That she hated her husband. That her daughter hung herself.

She feared that her daughter was banned from heaven for taking her own life. She feared she would go to hell for not stopping the abuse. She feared that if her religious beliefs were wrong, that her husband might be waiting for her on the other side.

And with the confession, Anna was released from her guilt and shame. She crossed over peacefully.

After that experience, as well as a series of unfortunate events, I became very depressed. Stay in bed all day depressed. I shut down to everything.

As the years passed I had a handful of psychic experiences but it wasn't until I turned 43 that I wanted to see if I could develop control and set aside fear. Since then I have been fast tracked on my spiritual journey. I've received messages from the loved ones of family, friends and strangers. I've learned how to link with a person's guardian angel. I have remote viewed homes, clearing earthbound energies, demons and residual energies caused by dark emotions or loss of life. I have been taught how to sense an energetic cord to people, animals, places, situations or thoughts that deplete energy. I have been shown curses and black magic, then guided to remove them. I have been shown past life issues as well current life hardships and trauma that need healing. And while I'm still very much on an every evolving journey, part of me has already evolved into a spiritual person.

My biggest struggle is blending this persona within my established identity. My biggest resistance is to the look, speak and feel of this world and it's icons.

I'm not religious, although I recognize and work with Angels and ascended masters. I am not New Age, although I embrace the transformative powers of love, light and crystals.

I'm interested in metaphysics and quantum mechanics on an intuitive level, however my formal understanding is surface. I embrace the energies of alchemy and magick, but I'm not one to study great mysteries of life.

I'm trying to figure out how best to communicate experiences and messages, so they may ring true, be relatable and demonstrate "evidence". I strive to become more worldly so I may better understand the symbols and reference points for a global audience.

I also realize that stepping into my calling means trusting my guides and gut. It means finding my own voice and buzzwords that feel authentic and relatable. It means sharing knowledge and empowering others to harness their own inner power. "Learn how to work with energy yourself and manifest health, love, peace and abundance in your life", that's what I strive to pay forward.

The image used is of a Huichol yarn painting. More details.

What My Grandfather Shared From Spirit

Every Tuesday night for the last year I've sat in a closed physical mediumship circle held at Clearly Destiny in London. The Medium, Tracey Hood, sits in a small enclosed structure known as a cabinet. The circle, a group of people who commit to giving their energy over to the Medium and to Spirit, sit in the dark with hands and feet touching. There is a table in the center of the room that holds an aluminum cone, known as a trumpet. There are strips of glow-in-the-dark material throughout the room. Music is played and the home circle sings along, to raise the vibration in the room.

The intention is that Spirit will use the body and psychic energy of the Medium to produce physical phenomenon. The circle acts as a battery to power the Medium and the hope is that ectoplasm will be produced and objects will levitate or spirits will manifest.

These type of seances were popular during Victorian London, but were soon infiltrated by con-artists. People became skeptical and as a result many attendees challenged what was experienced, often causing physical harm or even the death of the Medium. 

Tracey has been sitting in the cabinet for a few years now and is amongst a select few world-wide who are facilitating phenomena. Due to the infamous past of physical mediumship, modern Mediums have developed a strict set of protocols for the health and safety of the Medium, as well as to establish authenticity of what is experienced during a seance.

Last Spring I was invited to become the Circle Leader. This means that it is my responsibility to keep the Medium safe and that protocols are adhered to. It also means that I sit as an energetic battery, while receiving direction from Tracey's Spirit Team. For the most part, I act as a commentator to the group, acknowledging when loved ones step closer, when there are flashes of light, when there is activity at the table and trumpet.

Tonight's seance herald the evolution of the craft.

As soon as the lights went out I saw black on black shadows begin to gather in the room. The energies stood very close to myself and the cabinet and it begun to feel as though my face was being wrapped in cobwebs. I was "told" that our loved ones were gathering and that each member of the circle had four energies with them.

For the past few months we have enjoyed visits from the father of one of the members of the circle. Tonight I was told that our loved ones were supporting Christine's dad to manifest. To do so, each of us needed to acknowledge the presence of our loved ones. I had a sense of my mother's dad, Buppa, and my father's mother, Granny B. I "asked" that my grandparents make themselves known to me, beyond sensing them. Within moments a wavy violet orb, that floated like a jellyfish, emerged and wafted over to me. As the energy drew close I was shown something like a family album flip book.

Eyes wide open, I saw in my mind's eye a black and white photo of my grandfather as a toddler. He was dressed up for church and was all smiles. The photo seemed to transform into a family movie, with the action sped up. Soon images and vignettes began to play.

Buppa and his older sister selling ice-cream by the road side of the family farm. The little boy rejoicing over the penny payment.

An awkward teenager hunch over his school desk, learning and dreaming about the future.

The prideful young man who cleaned the college in order to finance his education.

The soldier driving along side of the train that carried his future wife, who missed their rendezvous on the eve of their elopement.

The fighter pilot, who during World War II, stole a few moments of joy as he floated in the clouds over beautiful land and water.

The father at Christmas, watching his two sons and daughter opening presents.

The grandfather who carried his first grandchild in his arms, kissed her chubby cheeks and forever kept her heart close to his.

Each vignette was infused with the powerful joy and happiness that my grandfather felt. And as I sobbed quietly in the dark, what my grandfather remembered and shared was that he had lived and he had loved.

I could hear sobs also come from Christine and other members of the circle. I asked them what their loved ones were sharing and for some, it was this family photo experience.

I was struck by how remarkable this demonstration of phenomenon was. Most mediums act as the translator between us and our loved ones. The medium is the one to experience our loved ones, as they bring forth evidence to prove the continuity of life and to deliver messages of love and healing. But tonight, the phenomenon was personal. I felt. I saw.

Tonight the trumpet rose and the table tipped and twirled around the room. And it was amazing. But everything pales to the lifetime that I experienced during the minutes that Buppa's spirit stepped into mine, weaving in evidence and messages of love. 

Love is eternal. It is without dimensions. It is without form. 

Loving my grandfather now, like this, is something I hope that every heart broken by the loss of their loved one's life can experience.

Lyme Disease and the Cords That Bind Us

I've been exhausted for almost six years. In 2009 I became pregnant, giving birth in September of 2010. When my son was a few months old I found a cluster of tiny "spiders" in our Jersey City apartment that resembled ticks. At the time I didn't realize that the poppy-seed sized insects were in fact nymphal ticks and that these were the culprits who carried borrelia burgdorferiI did however panic at the mere thought of my son contracting Lyme IF these "spiders" WERE ticks. But seeing that I was inside an apartment in a city vs. outdoors in the woods, there was no reason to panic.

In 2010 I complained to my GP that I perpetually had low energy. The migraines that I occasionally suffered from began to occur more frequently and my endometriosis had returned with a vengeance. Being a mom to a young child and mild anemia were determined to be the causes.

In 2011 my energy declined further and I now had frequent moments of frustration and anger. It was determined that it was stress and I was prescribed Klonopin. It was also suggested that I participate in a sleep study.

That year was otherwise a terrific year. My husband had finished all of his course requirements for his Phd. We had moved to Swampscott to be closer to my mom and sister, buying our dream house. Brevan was basking in the attention of his cousins. I was promoted to Vice President of Community at Life was truly good.

But as the saying goes, your health is everything.

By the summer of 2012 I was suffering from arthritis, migraines, exhaustion, mood swings and targeted pains in my lower abdominal area. Work was also becoming less enjoyable, as I was the sole woman on a out-of-synch executive team.  After some criticisms and sexist jokes by our newly appointed Executive VP, combined with an ever increasing workload at a startup facing funding issues, I prayed that I would be laid off.

A week later I was laid off. I was shocked. I was sad. I was insulted. And I was relieved. Now I could concentrate on finding out what was wrong.

Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Chrone's Disease, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism and trapped nerves resulting from scar tissue were some theories. But as conditions were speculated, then ruled out or medicated, I became sicker. So sick that I only left the bed to see specialists or to pretend I was functioning as a wife and mother.

I stopped being able to understand what the words being spoken to me meant. I started to feel resentful at the doctor's, especially when they suggested that my symptoms were stress and depression related (vs. the reason for my stress and depression). I felt misunderstood by my family.

In the Spring of 2013 I had numerous prescriptions, no real diagnosis-- nothing that felt like a holistic understanding of my illness. It was then when I decided to deviate from Western Medicine.

I had a hermetic reiki treatment by Damien Echols, that left me feeling energized for almost two weeks. During the treatment, Damien told me about his doctor, an MD turned Naturopath. I followed his advice and booked the first available appointment.

"Dr. Dan" was based in Newburyport, Massachusetts, my home from Junior year through to college. It had been many years since I had visited the seaside community and it felt ironic to be returning under these circumstances.

Dr. Dan came into the treatment room with a Megan, a "patient advocate", and explained that they would be conducting an assessment utilizing applied kinesiology. Dr. Dan placed his hand on Megan, who placed her hand on me, creating a battery by which to muscle test my response to various conditions and supplements. Within three minutes I heard, "You have Lyme Disease." I openly sobbed.

I had been tested for Lyme upon the request of a Neurologist but the test came back negative. An out-of-network doctor ordered a second test, with the same result. Yet all along I sensed that I had been battling Lyme for the past four years.

Dr. Dan told me that I would feel better in three months, and I did. I was told to follow a paleo diet, cutting out sugars and starches. I was also prescribed a heavy metal detox, garlic for parasites and holistic remedies for drainage.

Every week to two weeks I would go back to Dr. Dan and he would finesse the regime. He explained that the bacteria was so resilient that it needed to be tricked, as to not build a resistance to the treatment. So we'd alter protocol and adjust as needed so the infection wouldn't become immune to the remedies being administered.

I supplemented Dr. Dan's treatments with deep tissue massage to combat the Lyme arthritis, as administered by Tim Snow. I also had dry needling therapy to release my muscle tension, administered by Dr. Allison Bailey, as well as some very sensitive physical therapy provided by Celia Brunette. It was a miracle to find three caring practitioners with such highly specialized skill sets. With their combined effort, my chronic physical pain slowly went away.

By September I returned to part time work, with the stipulation that my employer understand my health issues and potential limitations. I slowly got better, but my energy remained low and my brain remained foggy.

I looked healthy so people treated me like I was healthy. This suited me, as I hated being sick and was never one for other people's sympathy. Soon I was working full-time and sooner still the stress mounted. 

It was very apparent that stress flared all my symptoms. By Christmas I had relapsed. By February I had quit my job. Without my health it felt like I was loosing everything.

But something kicked in when my body gave out. My intuition.

Chris told me that his company had acquired an office in London and that they were looking for someone from the Boston office to relocate there for a year. "Apply for the position. You'll get it." I told him.

In February I also began to take an "Introduction to Spirituality" class with Robin Gillette at the Swampscott Church of Spiritualism. Following my intuition inspired an assumption that I could become a medium. After my first class I felt confident that my assumption was correct.

In March we heard that Chris got the job and that our family would be moving to London. This took pressure off of me because I no longer felt like the clock was ticking for me to get better. I could heal without pressure, self-inflicted or otherwise.

Feeling so exhausted and so neurologically compromised was very isolating. I felt more and more like people needed hard evidence to believe I was sick. I even began to need my own evidence, my own validation.

It came when I watched "The Punk Singer" a documentary about Kathleen Hanna, a Riot Grrrl pioneer and leader singer of Bikini Kill, Le Tigre and The Julie Ruin. I had eagerly been awaiting the release of the film ever since my friend, Carla DeSantis of "ROCKRGRL",  told me about it and that Kathleen had been MIA from the music industry after contracting Lyme.

I related to a lot of feminist and music industry musings but the brief moments when Lyme disease took center stage in the documentary, I crumbled. The weight of feeling as if no one understood what I was going through collided with the power of seeing a "credible" person express my experience. It allowed me to say to myself, this is real. It gave my husband another example of a successful, powerful woman, who lost her life-force.

In May we moved to London. While waiting to board the plane I found that I could continue my spiritual education at the College of Psychic Studies, The School of Intuition & Healing and at a center called Cleary Destiny.

My family quickly settled in, as to make the move as smooth as possible for our four-year-old son. I adjusted to the role of housewife and mother. In doing so I decided it was time to reinvent myself, as there was no going back to the career I had pre-Lyme (at least in my mind).

I stopped dying my hair and went grey. I accepted that I had energetic and neurological limitations. I focused on taking care of Chris and Brevan, taking care of the house and taking a few classes. This was more than enough and I was grateful not to be working.

By December I was in total remission. It was bliss. But by February my energy started to slide and my brain began to fog.

I patiently trotted through NHS protocols and procedures in order to test for Lyme, anemia, vitamin deficiencies, liver damage, thyroid issues and other low hanging fruit to explain my exhaustion. Every test came back with glowing results. Healthy.

That's when I started to suspect that there were energetic reasons fueling my symptoms. I "cut the cords" using a guided meditation with Archangel Michael, releasing energetic ties to people who had hurt or drained me. I cut the chord to the thought form I created every time I said, "I'm so tired. I can barely function." I also imagined that the bacteria in my blood was filtered out, and replaced with clean blood, enhanced by Light.

I followed my path and embraced a spiritual calling, in spite of a discomfort with the "look" and "feel" that members of the community adorn. In doing so I quickly developed my psychic abilities and intuitive healing. In addition to chord cutting, I saught training in Spirit Release and Alchemy Energetics, as well as education on healing with crystals (via Penny King and Judy Hall). This has been a liberating and empowering journey.

My most recent energetic shift happened just last week. In the morning I had a Skype session with Ash Radford*, an intuitive healing innovator from Australia, who tunes in to investigate your pathological conditions both in this life time and in pasts. From there he works to deprogram the psyche and then "administers" an intention-based energetic remedy; using symbols for alchemy, homeopathy, etc.

He quickly validated what I had suspected, that I had energetic weaknesses in my "light" body, many of which linked to past lives. Since our hour and a half session I haven't needed to take any of the perscription stimulates that I took daily to function.

That day I also had a healing session with my teacher, Natasha Wojnow. She immediately identified a chord at the back of my heart chakra. The energetic drain bleed into my relationship with my son in this lifetime. The story of the past life, the circumstances of my death and the connection to my son really resonated with me. I immediately felt a release when the chord was cut. (Frustration and anger levels between he and I have felt proportionate to the circumstances ever since.)

From there she saw that my hara was leaking, as I had long neglected what my soul desired in my lifetime. That is why I am writing now.

In the past year and a half of my development I have met many people who suffer from exhaustion and who have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue, ME and Lyme. It feels like an epidemic that has drained the life force from the bodies of talented and driven people. 

As I type at ten o'clock at night, after a day of work and family, I have great clarity that Lyme Disease can trigger deep layers of energetic dis-ease. It can be the wake up call you needed but didn't want. It can ignite the awakening of your consciousness. 

If you are suffering from Lyme or a chronic condition, have searched high and low for conventional answers and are still sick, think outside of the box. It doesn't undermine your physical condition, it hopefully gets you closer to wellness.

*Website coming soon. Will update when live.