I've been exhausted for almost six years. In 2009 I became pregnant, giving birth in September of 2010. When my son was a few months old I found a cluster of tiny "spiders" in our Jersey City apartment that resembled ticks. At the time I didn't realize that the poppy-seed sized insects were in fact nymphal ticks and that these were the culprits who carried borrelia burgdorferi. I did however panic at the mere thought of my son contracting Lyme IF these "spiders" WERE ticks. But seeing that I was inside an apartment in a city vs. outdoors in the woods, there was no reason to panic.
In 2010 I complained to my GP that I perpetually had low energy. The migraines that I occasionally suffered from began to occur more frequently and my endometriosis had returned with a vengeance. Being a mom to a young child and mild anemia were determined to be the causes.
In 2011 my energy declined further and I now had frequent moments of frustration and anger. It was determined that it was stress and I was prescribed Klonopin. It was also suggested that I participate in a sleep study.
That year was otherwise a terrific year. My husband had finished all of his course requirements for his Phd. We had moved to Swampscott to be closer to my mom and sister, buying our dream house. Brevan was basking in the attention of his cousins. I was promoted to Vice President of Community at OurStage.com. Life was truly good.
But as the saying goes, your health is everything.
By the summer of 2012 I was suffering from arthritis, migraines, exhaustion, mood swings and targeted pains in my lower abdominal area. Work was also becoming less enjoyable, as I was the sole woman on a out-of-synch executive team. After some criticisms and sexist jokes by our newly appointed Executive VP, combined with an ever increasing workload at a startup facing funding issues, I prayed that I would be laid off.
A week later I was laid off. I was shocked. I was sad. I was insulted. And I was relieved. Now I could concentrate on finding out what was wrong.
Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Chrone's Disease, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism and trapped nerves resulting from scar tissue were some theories. But as conditions were speculated, then ruled out or medicated, I became sicker. So sick that I only left the bed to see specialists or to pretend I was functioning as a wife and mother.
I stopped being able to understand what the words being spoken to me meant. I started to feel resentful at the doctor's, especially when they suggested that my symptoms were stress and depression related (vs. the reason for my stress and depression). I felt misunderstood by my family.
In the Spring of 2013 I had numerous prescriptions, no real diagnosis-- nothing that felt like a holistic understanding of my illness. It was then when I decided to deviate from Western Medicine.
I had a hermetic reiki treatment by Damien Echols, that left me feeling energized for almost two weeks. During the treatment, Damien told me about his doctor, an MD turned Naturopath. I followed his advice and booked the first available appointment.
"Dr. Dan" was based in Newburyport, Massachusetts, my home from Junior year through to college. It had been many years since I had visited the seaside community and it felt ironic to be returning under these circumstances.
Dr. Dan came into the treatment room with a Megan, a "patient advocate", and explained that they would be conducting an assessment utilizing applied kinesiology. Dr. Dan placed his hand on Megan, who placed her hand on me, creating a battery by which to muscle test my response to various conditions and supplements. Within three minutes I heard, "You have Lyme Disease." I openly sobbed.
I had been tested for Lyme upon the request of a Neurologist but the test came back negative. An out-of-network doctor ordered a second test, with the same result. Yet all along I sensed that I had been battling Lyme for the past four years.
Dr. Dan told me that I would feel better in three months, and I did. I was told to follow a paleo diet, cutting out sugars and starches. I was also prescribed a heavy metal detox, garlic for parasites and holistic remedies for drainage.
Every week to two weeks I would go back to Dr. Dan and he would finesse the regime. He explained that the bacteria was so resilient that it needed to be tricked, as to not build a resistance to the treatment. So we'd alter protocol and adjust as needed so the infection wouldn't become immune to the remedies being administered.
I supplemented Dr. Dan's treatments with deep tissue massage to combat the Lyme arthritis, as administered by Tim Snow. I also had dry needling therapy to release my muscle tension, administered by Dr. Allison Bailey, as well as some very sensitive physical therapy provided by Celia Brunette. It was a miracle to find three caring practitioners with such highly specialized skill sets. With their combined effort, my chronic physical pain slowly went away.
By September I returned to part time work, with the stipulation that my employer understand my health issues and potential limitations. I slowly got better, but my energy remained low and my brain remained foggy.
I looked healthy so people treated me like I was healthy. This suited me, as I hated being sick and was never one for other people's sympathy. Soon I was working full-time and sooner still the stress mounted.
It was very apparent that stress flared all my symptoms. By Christmas I had relapsed. By February I had quit my job. Without my health it felt like I was loosing everything.
But something kicked in when my body gave out. My intuition.
Chris told me that his company had acquired an office in London and that they were looking for someone from the Boston office to relocate there for a year. "Apply for the position. You'll get it." I told him.
In February I also began to take an "Introduction to Spirituality" class with Robin Gillette at the Swampscott Church of Spiritualism. Following my intuition inspired an assumption that I could become a medium. After my first class I felt confident that my assumption was correct.
In March we heard that Chris got the job and that our family would be moving to London. This took pressure off of me because I no longer felt like the clock was ticking for me to get better. I could heal without pressure, self-inflicted or otherwise.
Feeling so exhausted and so neurologically compromised was very isolating. I felt more and more like people needed hard evidence to believe I was sick. I even began to need my own evidence, my own validation.
It came when I watched "The Punk Singer" a documentary about Kathleen Hanna, a Riot Grrrl pioneer and leader singer of Bikini Kill, Le Tigre and The Julie Ruin. I had eagerly been awaiting the release of the film ever since my friend, Carla DeSantis of "ROCKRGRL", told me about it and that Kathleen had been MIA from the music industry after contracting Lyme.
I related to a lot of feminist and music industry musings but the brief moments when Lyme disease took center stage in the documentary, I crumbled. The weight of feeling as if no one understood what I was going through collided with the power of seeing a "credible" person express my experience. It allowed me to say to myself, this is real. It gave my husband another example of a successful, powerful woman, who lost her life-force.
In May we moved to London. While waiting to board the plane I found that I could continue my spiritual education at the College of Psychic Studies, The School of Intuition & Healing and at a center called Cleary Destiny.
My family quickly settled in, as to make the move as smooth as possible for our four-year-old son. I adjusted to the role of housewife and mother. In doing so I decided it was time to reinvent myself, as there was no going back to the career I had pre-Lyme (at least in my mind).
I stopped dying my hair and went grey. I accepted that I had energetic and neurological limitations. I focused on taking care of Chris and Brevan, taking care of the house and taking a few classes. This was more than enough and I was grateful not to be working.
By December I was in total remission. It was bliss. But by February my energy started to slide and my brain began to fog.
I patiently trotted through NHS protocols and procedures in order to test for Lyme, anemia, vitamin deficiencies, liver damage, thyroid issues and other low hanging fruit to explain my exhaustion. Every test came back with glowing results. Healthy.
That's when I started to suspect that there were energetic reasons fueling my symptoms. I "cut the cords" using a guided meditation with Archangel Michael, releasing energetic ties to people who had hurt or drained me. I cut the chord to the thought form I created every time I said, "I'm so tired. I can barely function." I also imagined that the bacteria in my blood was filtered out, and replaced with clean blood, enhanced by Light.
I followed my path and embraced a spiritual calling, in spite of a discomfort with the "look" and "feel" that members of the community adorn. In doing so I quickly developed my psychic abilities and intuitive healing. In addition to chord cutting, I saught training in Spirit Release and Alchemy Energetics, as well as education on healing with crystals (via Penny King and Judy Hall). This has been a liberating and empowering journey.
My most recent energetic shift happened just last week. In the morning I had a Skype session with Ash Radford*, an intuitive healing innovator from Australia, who tunes in to investigate your pathological conditions both in this life time and in pasts. From there he works to deprogram the psyche and then "administers" an intention-based energetic remedy; using symbols for alchemy, homeopathy, etc.
He quickly validated what I had suspected, that I had energetic weaknesses in my "light" body, many of which linked to past lives. Since our hour and a half session I haven't needed to take any of the perscription stimulates that I took daily to function.
That day I also had a healing session with my teacher, Natasha Wojnow. She immediately identified a chord at the back of my heart chakra. The energetic drain bleed into my relationship with my son in this lifetime. The story of the past life, the circumstances of my death and the connection to my son really resonated with me. I immediately felt a release when the chord was cut. (Frustration and anger levels between he and I have felt proportionate to the circumstances ever since.)
From there she saw that my hara was leaking, as I had long neglected what my soul desired in my lifetime. That is why I am writing now.
In the past year and a half of my development I have met many people who suffer from exhaustion and who have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue, ME and Lyme. It feels like an epidemic that has drained the life force from the bodies of talented and driven people.
As I type at ten o'clock at night, after a day of work and family, I have great clarity that Lyme Disease can trigger deep layers of energetic dis-ease. It can be the wake up call you needed but didn't want. It can ignite the awakening of your consciousness.
If you are suffering from Lyme or a chronic condition, have searched high and low for conventional answers and are still sick, think outside of the box. It doesn't undermine your physical condition, it hopefully gets you closer to wellness.
*Website coming soon. Will update when live.