What She Needed To Say Before Goodbye

Dedicated to Eva.

When we moved to London I embarked on a journey of reinventing myself. I decided I didn't want to build a new life with the same pieces of my previous life. I wanted to do something that illuminated my unique talents and I wanted to be self-sufficient in the endeavor. So I decided to become a Medium.

One day when I dropped my son off for school one of his teachers commented that I looked nice and asked where I was going. I told her I was taking some classes. "Oh? What are you studying?". I panicked then told her the eccentric truth. "Well, if you ever want to practice, I'm the perfect person to practice on. I don't believe in that stuff."

At the end of the school year she approached me again and told me she was ready to have a reading. Throughout the year we had gotten to know one another a bit. I knew that her dad died when she was a kid. I knew that her and her partner had split up and that they had two kids. I knew she was a DJ and music producer and that we had a mutual music connection back in Boston. And I knew she was still a skeptic.

When I arrived at her home I was "told" that I needed to start by giving her some healing. I was told to ground her and help open her heart chakra. I then began with an angelic reading, giving her loving advice and insights to her relationships and their futures. Then her father stepped in.

I get really, really nervous when I connect with loved ones in Spirit. I want to honor the relationship. I want my link and evidence to be perfect. I want to help heal. So when I saw him, the person she'd want to hear from IF she believed it possible, I became very anxious. I immediately knew that he did not cross over, as his sudden death would leave his two young children fatherless. And they had already been through so much. The divorce. The move overseas. So he stayed with his daughter, son and second wife energetically.

I asked him to tell me how he passed. Heart attack. I asked him to show or tell me things that his daughter would understand. He gave me "Ain't No Sunshine", walking in the woods and "I love you, Buttercup." She confirmed that he died from a heart attack and that walking in the woods was their thing. She couldn't take the rest.

Her kids arrived home so we wrapped up the reading abruptly. I hadn't proved the continuity of her father's life after death so I didn't ask for a message and I didn't cross his spirit over. In fact, he refused to let me. He needed to talk to his daughter first.

By the time that I got home I had a message from her asking if she could call me. When I rang she sounded freaked out. She told me that after I left she phoned her ex-partner but that she got a crossed line on her cell. She could hear a man talking on the other line. Then she heard her ex say her name.

I then knew that she had become a believer, that her father had spoken to her and that I could cross him over. And I did.

The other day I received a text from her that said that a friend of hers had died unexpectedly and she wanted to know if she was ok. The friend had been undergoing cancer treatment for a year, then her health took a dramatic turn for the worse. She passed one week after being hospitalized, leaving her eight-year-old-child motherless.

I knew the answer before tuning in. I found her friend in a state of shock. Looking into a hospital room that blended into her child's bedroom. She was crying and desperate to get to her daughter. I approached the earthbound spirit and told her that her friend had sent me. I asked her if I could help her and I told her that after I helped her we would talk. She nodded silently through her seemingly endless tears.

I asked the angelic realm for her healing. I saw fragments of her spirit return to her body. I saw the energy of the chemotherapy leave her body. She was bathed in love and in light then transformed to an almost angelic looking energy herself.

Next I asked her what she needed. She wanted her sister to agree to become a mother to her daughter. She wanted to be involved with decisions related to her daughter. And she wanted to say goodbye.

I was told that I needed to wait to cross her over as her energy needed to stabilize, that I needed to continue to send healing and I needed to relay her messages. I hesitated. I had never met this woman and I knew that everyone who cared for her was in pain. I did not want to add to it. What if what I was given was wrong? But what if it was right?

I passed the message along and sent healing the next day.

On the third day I spent the morning with my husband. We took a walk along the Thames, strolled into the Tate Modern shop and I walked over to the Children's book section. I picked up "The Fox and The Star" by Coralie Pickford-Smith. I put it down and walked away. I returned and picked it up. I put it down and walked away. I picked it back up and purchased it.

Then I walked to a park to meditate, to see how the woman was and to find out whether or not I could help crossover her spirit. As soon as I closed my eyes I could see her. "I need you to get a message to Eva," she communicated. I took out my phone and typed what was dictated.

Dear Eva,
I'm sorry. It's not fair that I had to leave before you were grown. There is so much I wanted to do with you, like pick out a puppy.
I want you to know that a piece of me will always live in your heart. If you ever need me, look to the stars and know I am with you.
Please let Nanny love you and help take care of you. Be strong, be brave and always remember how proud I am that you are my daughter.
I'll love you for an eternity, V.

She said thank you and the angels crossed her into the light.

I felt sick to my stomach as I read back all the specific details that I COULD have heard wrong. I felt sick about passing this message on. What if? But I typed the text to my son's former teacher and hit "send". Then I heard, "Look at the book."

"The Fox and The Star."

The book was for Eva and the message was the inscription. I took a photo of the book and sent that too.

Then I read the story for the first time.

He knew that 
out there was
a star that
once was his.

I highly recommend this book to any dreamer, anyone who may have lost their star or anyone who has a hard time believing. Back Cover: "Once there was a Fox who lived in a deep, dense forest. For as long as Fox could remember, his only friend had been Star, who lit the forest paths for Fox each night. But then one night, Star was not there, and Fox had to face the darkness all alone..."

My Path To Spirituality

I was raised Methodist, under the loving spiritual guidance of my grandparents. However, my heart and soul followed the spiritual influence of author C.S. Lewis.

When I was eight-years-old I read the Chronicles of Narnia and was enraptured with the multi-dimensional worlds of mythical creatures. Lewis’ tales incorporated themes of Christianity, Greek and Roman mythology, British and Irish fairytales. He took readers on voyages that crisscrossed time, challenged the imagination and inspired heroism and honor amongst his characters and readers alike. This series became the roadmap to my religion.

At a young age I concluded that it did not make sense, nor seem fair, that there should be one god known by one name. Over the centuries hundreds of thousands of people have died because of their religious beliefs and I refused to believe that these deaths were in vain. So I surmised that there was a place for all religions to co-exist and that one’s spiritual identity was personal.

I strived to be open-minded and to respect ideological beliefs and opinions that are loving and non-discriminatory at their core. I also recognized that as human beings we filter words and lessons through our own life’s lens and in doing so may follow an interpretation of the words of the Bible, Quran, Torah, Hindu and Buddhist texts, and other faith based texts. True grace may be found in our interpretation.

With this foundation, I lived my life, made mistakes, had adventures, worked through personal challenges and followed dreams. I lived with openness and as a result had many unique experiences, such as seeing and communicating with spirits.

The summer before my senior year of college, I lived with my mother and sister in Newburyport, Massachusetts and met the ghosts that had been haunting our home. For months I had dismissed phenomenon such as levitating objects and the sound of footsteps when I was alone in the house. That ended when the manifestation was so physical I could no longer tell myself it was my imagination.

One night I arrived home in the early a.m. hours to an empty house. I dressed for bed and went to my room to sleep. Within moments I heard the front door open, and heard footsteps making their way up a flight of stairs, across our den and into my bedroom. I held my breath, kept my eyes closed and prayed I would not be noticed by the intruder. A feeling of safety rushed over me, moments before the room filled with a blue-white light, the sounds of wind and clanking metal. My bed violently shook as I held on to the edges of my mattress.

And then there was stillness. Whatever was with me had left and I was once again alone.

I immediately raced to the phone and called my friend, Chris Meredith. He calmed me and told me his family friend, Nora Lee, could help.

Nora Lee phoned me the next day and asked me what I had experienced. After I retold the evening’s details she asked me who I thought the spirit was. Suddenly I saw a face in my mind’s eye and shared my knowing. His name was Peter. He lived at the turn of the century. He had wavy brown hair, neatly slicked back. He had a mustache. He wore a white shirt and a brown jacket. Nora Lee confirmed what I told her and told me she’d be over in a few days to clear my home of the spirit.

This was Nora Lee’s self-proclaimed calling, and as such, she would not accept compensation for sharing her gift. Chris had told me some things that Nora Lee liked, so I bought her flowers, chocolates, and coffee beans as a thank-you gesture.

Moments before her arrival I went to retrieve her gifts but everything had gone missing. I rushed around looking in every logical and illogical place for her presents until the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find a petite woman with long black hair, glasses and a voluptuous frame. Suddenly there was a loud clap of thunder and it began to rain. I laughed and nervously joked about the coincidence of the rain beginning at her arrival. Nora Lee nonchalantly explained that she had asked her Spirit Guides, who were Native American Indians, to seal the house. Essentially the rain would help contain the energy within my home.

As I led Nora Lee into the house she asked me why I had become upset a few minutes before she arrived. She laughed as I shared the events and explained that it was common for spirits to hide objects. That they would be found one day inside of a wall or another unexpected location.

I offered Nora Lee water and as I retrieve a glass from the cabinet, plates flew out and fell to the floor. Nora Lee told me that there was an old woman throwing the plates. She opted to get right to the task at hand and told me she’d start in the basement, clear all the rooms and bringing the spirits to my bedroom, where the majority of activity had been witnessed.

I waited anxiously for her, as she smudged the windows, doors and coroners of every room with white sage. I could hear her acknowledging the spirits she encountered and every once in awhile she would yell out something to me. “Sometimes…” whoosh, “… you may feel as though a cold energy in knocking the air out of your body.” I gasped for breath. “That’s what it feels like when a spirit runs through you.”

I caught my breath and followed Nora Lee to my room. She instructed me to squint my eyes and look into my bedroom. In doing so I saw the mirage-like, filmy grey outlines of ten or so people. We stepped into the room and Nora Lee ceremonially called forth a white light to lead the spirits to a dimension where there loved ones were waiting.

When the transition was complete, the room felt calm, still and safe. Nora Lee had explained that the spirits were stirred after my friend, Chris Meredith, had stayed with me briefly. Chris came home with me after he was released from the hospital, having suffered serious injuries from a car accident that took his father’s life and left his mother, girlfriend and himself seriously injured. The spirits in my home had felt his deep grief and became aware of our aura. Having "seen" us, the spirits actively worked to get my attention to find a way to help them.

And thus began my belief in Spirit.

The events of the day herald a brief and vivid period in my life in which I sensed, saw and physically felt the presence of spirits. It was a terrifying time for me, as I felt both crazy and constantly vulnerable. Nora Lee gave me some practical advice on how to drawn in my aura and she instructed me to tell them to leave me alone. Eventually they did.

Over the years I saw and helped crossover a few spirits that I fearfully encountered, but for the most part I was closed off from these experiences.

My spiritual evolution had another turning point after a period of unexplained illness. In 2011 I started complaining of exhaustion, body aches and an increase in frustration and anger. My doctor assumed it was stress and prescribed medication. My symptoms and complaints increased over the years until it got to the point that I could no longer function in my life. By the end of 2013 I was in tremendous pain. By February of 2014 I suffered such extreme neurological confusion and exhaustion that I was largely bed ridden.

I went from specialist to specialist, to speculation and quick diagnosis, but saw no relief from the litany of ailments. Desperation led me to follow my instincts and seek out alternative views on wellness.

This journey lead me to Damien Echols, Dr. Sharon Sass, the Swampscott Church of Spiritualism and Dr. Dan of Newburyport. Each meeting would reveal truths that would lead me to healing and spiritual development.

Damien Echols, author of Life After Death: Eighteen Years on Death Row and co-author of Yours for Eternity: A Love Story on Death Row, moved to Salem, Massachusetts, one street away from where my sister and her family lived. For over twenty years I had followed the West Memphis Three case, which falsely accused Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jessie Misskelley, Jr. of the brutal murder of three young boys in Arkansas. I was amongst the legions of people who believed in the innocence of the WM3 and who celebrated their release from prison in 2011. Hearing that Elchols was practicing Hermetic Reiki in Salem, I excitedly booked a session with him.

Damien is the embodiment of what faith, meditation and perseverance can manifest. Not only did his healing literally provide me with over two weeks of energy (after months of being bed ridden), he shared some casual advice that would have a dramatic impact on my life. The first was a suggestion to visit a holistic MD that had helped him. The second was written in pamphlet he gave me, which suggested that we all dream bigger.

He also generously invited me to attend a class on hermetic meditation techniques, which resulted in a certification as a first-degree practitioner in the hermetic Reiki tradition, with Damien as the presiding Reiki Master. The invitation extended to joining a healing circle that he and his wife, Lorri Davis, hosted at the short-lived Qi, The Inner Gym in Boston. At Qi, I discovered a past life practitioner that I would later consult.

Although my encounters with Damien have been brief, the essence of his influence is strong. To simply distill it, the Universe conspired to free Damien from a death sentence and to give him a life of abundance and love. Certainly my health problems could be overcome.

And thanks to Damien’s recommendation to see “Dr. Dan” of Newburyport, I have. Within minutes of a Kinesiology-based evaluation, I was told that the muscle tests were responding positive for Lyme disease. I immediately began to cry from relief, as I had suspected that my long suffering was from exposure to this tick-born bacteria. I then began a treatment plan that incorporated holistic supplements with nutrition for healing.

The road back to wellness has proven a long one and I have continued to seek out anything and everyone that may help my recovery. Amongst the helpers, I met Dr. Sharon Sass, with whom I had three brief sessions on the topic of past life regression. During these meetings she frankly confirmed that I was a medium. She gave me some practical advice on how to protect myself against unwanted energy (by imaging that I was standing in a 360° shield of mirrors, reflecting the outside world and energies out and away from me). She also shared that I would be meeting trustworthy people to help me develop my gifts.

Dr. Sass also walked me through one past life regression session. In it I was taken to a happy childhood memory, in which I was running down a hill in the backyard of one of my mom’s friends. The moment stuck with me because there was a man, leaning against a fence, who yelled over at me and told me that I looked just like “Laura Ingalls” from Little House on the Prairie, one of my favorite books at the time.

Next I was taken to a different memory, in which I was in the care of the same friend of my mother’s. She was visiting her mother, who was in a coma. I remember the elderly woman lying in bed, with bandages on her head and face. There was a brief moment when I was alone with the woman. The woman reached for my arm and spoke to me, calling me by her grand daughter’s name. I ran for her daughter, relaying what had happened and ultimately sharing the last known movement and words of the woman before her death.

The finally memory was a series of images and details. I saw the face of a man with brown hair, a curled mustache, and round glasses. I was given the letters “J” and “W” as well as the name “Joseph. I was shown a cello and the Titanic. I sensed that I was seeing the past life of my husband, not my own.

When I left Dr. Sass’ office I confirmed the accuracy of the memories with my mom. I also googled all the information that I received regarding the Titanic memory and was immediately fed the image of John Wesley Woodward, one of the eight musicians who famously continued to play as the Titanic sunk.  Wesley bared an eery and uncanny resemblance to my husband.

Dr. Sass’ confirmation that I had a natural ability for mediumship, lead me to the Swampscott Church of Spirituality. My mother-in-law, Judy Jackson, had attended one Sunday and relayed a service that contained meditation, healing, a Spirit-based lecture and mediumship.

I began attending Sunday services regularly and soon realized that there was a religion that encompassed my spiritual beliefs and personal experiences. Spiritualism honors the legacy of the ascended masters and communicates through Spirit to bring forth messages of love and healing, helping to prove the continuity of life after death.

With my health on a path to wellness, and with a name to help define my beliefs, I have mindfully embarked on journey to fulfill my calling. I follow the signs and walk the path laid before me with trust. All roads are leading to spiritual development and serving Spirit.